Just Tell Him Already
by sh0rtest
Summary: hi i uh. i dont know what this is or what im doing but i do know im evil for writing it. [idk if this is zadr.i honestly dont know.]
1. Just a Joke

_hi im asher and i dont know what im doing ummmm dib finds out some shit that rly bothers him thats all i can tell u goodbye_

* * *

><p><em>Yes! Finally!<em>

What started out as a great recon mission turned out the be the_ perfect_ one. It was just his luck Zim decided to call the Tallest _today!_

Dib shifted slightly in his hiding spot in the wall. He found the perfect spot where Zim couldn't see him and

"My Tallest, I can assure you that-"

Zim's words were cut off by a loud crashing noise coming from the base down below. He paused for a moment, looking up at the screen, jaw slightly ajar.

"Ehm. I'll be right back." He immediately made haste to deal with said crashing noise, all while muttering foreign curses under his breath.

"Oh _come on,_ Red," the purple one began once Zim was out of earshot (antennaeshot?), "Why can't we just tell him already?" He folded his arms crossly, eyes slightly narrowed at his nearly identical counterpart.

"What, that his missions a total joke? We tried that already," "Red" reminded, shrugging. "He's too stubborn. He's never gonna figure it out."

Dib's eyes widened. _A joke? Zim's mission was a joke?_

"Why don't you just block him?" The purple one (whose name was probably Purple) was apparently sick of Zim's antics now and rather irritated with his co-ruler.

"Trust me, if that were an option, I would've done it ages ago," Red chuckled, shrugging again. "He'd just find some way to call us again."

"I don't get it," Purple continued.

"You don't get much," Red remarked. This earned him a cold glare (and a few silent snickers from the pilots).

"No, but seriously," Purple sighed. "I'm seriously tired of him. Can't we just.. You know. Make him stop? I mean, we are the Tallest."

"I honestly don't know. I mean, we told him to sit still, he wrecked Impending Doom. We banished him to Foodcourtia, he 'quit being banished.' We even _tried_ him, and he crawled out of that completely unscathed! It's like there's nothing we can do.

"...Though, I do feel kind of sorry for him."

Purple gave him a look.

"I mean, he's just trying to please us. I guess. In a weird way." Red laughed.

"...Yeah, I guess so."

And with that, Red's eyes shifted to focus directly on Dib. Or his hiding spot.

"By the way, we can see you there. You're not fooling anyone."

...Or directly on Dib, yeah.

"Wait, what? Where?" Purple's eyes grew wide as he searched frantically for this apparent guest. One of Red's antennae raised as an amused grin stretched over his face.

"How's that news for you? You look surprised." Dib was speechless, his mouth agape. Billions of questions swam through his head as the red Tallest smirked at him.

"Red, who are you talking to?" Purple was sweating nervously.

Red ignored him and went on.

"How old are you, anyways? You look young. You could probably do something with your life. Give up on Zim, he's a lost cause. Go become a general or something."

Dib couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Red this is bothering me so much," Purple whined. This time, both Dib and Red gave him a look.

"Shut up, Purp."

With a sigh, Red continued again.

"Seriously. Give up on him. He's not worth it. He's not worth anything."

With that, Zim returned, his left antenna slightly more crooked than usual.

"Sorry about the wait, my Tallest. I-" Zim noticed the confused look on Purple's face. "...My Tallest, is there something wrong?"

Purple frowned. "I think Red's ..._seeing_ things." He glanced worriedly at his co-ruler, antennae lowered anxiously. Red rolled his eyes.

Zim coughed awkwardly. After a moment, he straightened his uniform and continued.

"As I was saying, I can assure you that GIR's eh... problem... will no longer be a..." Zim paused, furrowing his brow. "...Problem."

"...Right."

Another pause.

"Zim, seriously, he keeps talking to someone and there isn't-"

"HE'S RIGHT THERE." Red pointed at the upper-right corner of the screen, exasperated.

Purple's eyes widened again, jaw falling open.

"...Ohhhh. There he is!"

_Ok ok ok nope. Cover blown. He needed to get out of here._

Zim was, reasonably, highly distressed by this. "What? An intruder? There's an intruder? Where!?"

"Hey, it's the big-headed kid, isn't it?"

_God fucking damn it._

After a lot of shouting, scuffling, and dirty looks, Dib found himself being literally kicked out onto the porch.

"Don't you_ dare_ try that again, you pathetic worm!" Zim screeched, and promptly slammed the door.

Right on Dib's head.

_Ouch._

Dib sat up after a moment, rubbing the top of his head and wincing. That went...well.

...Oh, what was he kidding.

That was _horrible._

Dib brought his legs closer to his chest, resting his elbows on his knees and frowning. How could Zim's mission be a joke? Since when was he banished? What did he do?

Letting out a sigh, Dib buried his hands in his hair. This was really bothering him. How could Zim just... Not know about all that? It didn't make any sense.

After a few minutes of trying to sort out his jumbled thoughts, Dib stood. He might as well go home, shower, go to bed. His watch told him it was only about 5:40 PM, but he supposed that was enough for today.

* * *

><p>Dib munched on his cereal gloomily. What he thought was going to be a fantastic day sucked. It didn't help that it happened to be the last bit of cereal in the box and was entirely covered in cereal dust.<p>

"Wow. _Someone_ looks cheerful." Gaz made her way into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a can of soda and a slice of the leftover pizza. She placed said pizza into the microwave and waited for it to heat up, crossing her arms.

Dib ignored her, even turning away slightly as he ate the rather disappointing cereal. Raising an eyebrow, Gaz retrieved her pizza and sat in the chair across from him.

"Is that the last of the cereal?" she interrogated, eyeing the box with her eyes narrowed and lips pursed.

"You wouldn't want it anyways," he muttered in reply.

Gaz's brow furrowed. _Okay then._

"What's your problem?" she demanded. She didn't usually want to get involved with Dib's little theatrics, but considering how cheerful he was that morning, this was weird.

"Nothing. I don't wanna talk about it," he sighed.

A silence filled the room.

"...Okay, whatever. I'll be in my room." Gaz stood, pizza in one hand and soda in the other, and made her way up the stairs.

It made Dib feel a little better that she kind of cared.

Now that he was alone, though, it gave him more space to think.

Was it all really just a joke? Zim wasn't actually a threat at all? It was such a weird and unnatural idea to him because-

_It was true._

Gaz knew it. She'd told him before. Zim was never a threat because he was so bad at what he was doing. He'd been on Earth for 3 years already.

Zim was supposed to be _banished._

He wasn't actually an invader. His leaders sent him to Earth to get _rid_ of him.

Dib sighed again. This whole ordeal was giving him a terrible headache. Throwing his half-eaten cereal into the sink, he grabbed some aspirin and made his way up the stairs.

What bothered him the most was that Zim had _no idea._


	2. Taken Seriously

_this mr wilson here does not exist. nor does mrs english. rip._

* * *

><p>Zim internally groaned. School was getting worse and worse as time passed and this had to be the worst of it. It didn't help that he was, for some reason, constantly tired lately and could barely stay awake in class.<p>

Irkens didn't really need sleep as long as they stayed charged. He supposed there was something wrong with the plug. Or something.

_Definitely not his pak. Nope._

He tried to focus a little on what the teacher was saying. Something about a nuclear meltdown...? That'd probably be useful knowledge for the mission, yeah... he...

"Zim!"

Zim's head shot back up, eyes wide. He was met with the highly irritated face of his science teacher.

"Seriously? Again? You fall asleep _every single clas_s, Zim. Am I going to have to write you up?"

Zim blinked a few times as he tried to focus. What was this guy's name again?

"I wasn't asleep," Zim replied as a couple classmates muffled their laughter.

Mr Whatshisface raised an eyebrow. "Really? What was I talking about just now?"

"Science."

This earned a bit more laughter. Mr Whatshisname shook his head, frowning.

"I'm being serious, Zim. Could you at least _try_ to stay awake during class?"

Zim sighed. "Yes sir."

As his teacher continued the lesson, Zim felt his mind wander again. Nuclear meltdowns. Those would probably be a lot of fun. Lots of screaming. That was always the best part. Zim grinned to himself, doodling a couple melting humans on the corner of his paper. Ha.

"...Mr. Wilson?"

"Do you have a question, Zita?"

"Zim's asleep again."

"I know, Zita."

* * *

><p>Zim woke to the bell. <em>Whoops.<em>

Mr. Whatshisface didn't really seem to have a problem with it. Zim swore he saw him giving him a dirty look, though.

Next period. English.

Ew.

And he had that class with the Dib.

_Ew._

He was_ sure_ to be talking about yesterday's little spying incident. Although...

Zim grinned to himself. He _did_ find a little recording device on the floor afterwards...

* * *

><p>Zim entered the classroom nearly a second before the bell rang. His teacher, Mrs...<p>

Let's call her Mrs. English. She gave him a dirty look.

Zim made his way to his seat and slid into it, letting out a sigh as he did so. This was probably going to be just as boring as his science class.

At least Dib was there to make it a little more exciting.

And he sat right in front of him.

He didn't seem to see Zim, though, because he wasn't saying anything. _Hm._

Zim poked Dib's back with his pencil. Most of the other children were preoccupied with doing the "warm-up," which Zim found tedious and unimportant and thus refused to do it.

When Dib didn't directly respond (He kind of just sighed a little), he did it again, but harder. That got his attention, and he turned, eyes narrowed.

"What?" he snapped, but his expression turned somewhat solemn as he realized who it was. "Oh. Hey, Zim."

_Weird._ Zim just grinned.

"You seem to have _forgotten_ something during your little spying mission, Dib." Ooh, this was going to be fun. Dib was going to get upset and start doing that squeaky-cracky voice he has whenever he gets angry. It was going to make a scene and Zim was going to love _every second of it._

"Okay."

Dib turned back around.

..._That_ wasn't supposed to happen. Zim narrowed his eyes. The Dib was supposed to get _mad_ at him. He was supposed to freak out and whine about how his eyeball friends would never get to see the new evidence he had. He wasn't supposed to just _turn around_ like that.

He prodded him with his pencil again.

"Don't you care? I have your recording device." Maybe the human just didn't realize what Zim meant.

"It's okay, I don't really care about it," Dib sighed in reply, not even turning around.

This was confusing. It was starting to make Zim frustrated.

A tiny part of him was worried that the whole "real science" thing was happening again.

"But don't you want to show it to your swollen eyelid foundation?" Zim demanded. His voice was beginning to raise as his temper flared, which Dib noticed immediately.

"Shh, it's fine, I didn't really want to anyways."

"Then why'd you come at all?"

"Seriously, Zim, quiet down a little. I changed my mind, I didn't record anything important."

Zim knew that wasn't true. He already watched those videos. He knew for a_ fact_ that Dib had recorded legitimate evidence.

"...You know what? Fine. I'm keeping it. You don't get it back. It's too late."

Dib ignored him this time, which made him even _more_ upset. _He wasn't supposed to be ignoring him!_ Zim contemplated pushing Dib out of his seat when-

"Is there a problem, Zim?"

Mrs. English looked mildly concerned as she was taking roll. The other students were too busy talking to each other to notice the fuss Zim was making, but it was apparently noticeable enough.

"...No," Zim replied, biting his lip as he seethed. The teacher looked at Zim, then Dib, then Zim again, and nodded once.

Zim was gonna _kill_ him.

Not really. Killing him wouldn't be fun. He'd just. Probably yell at him a lot.

This was _unacceptable._ Zim _refused_ to not be taken seriously. He'd had enough of that back home, anyways.

The rest of English class went by relatively fast. Zim didn't seem to notice time going by as he doodled countless tiny Dibs being attacked by various woodland creatures.

The bell rang rather suddenly, interrupting the debate being held in the classroom. Zim grumbled as he got out of his seat. It was lunch.

_Time to follow Dib around and get him to pay attention to me._

But as Zim continued to pester the human throughout the lunch break, he always had that_ ...sad_ look on his face.

It... It was kind of scaring him.


End file.
